Golfing culture is ripe with traditions that can seem peculiar to the uninitiated. It’s a world where golf announcers whisper with the solemnity of a church service, where a golfer’s worst nightmare might be a terrible tee shot, and where the 19th hole (the golf club bar) often sees more action than the 18th green.
Here, a practice swing is as common as laughter and funny golf tales are shared as often as advice on the swing.
Fore! Hilarious Golf Jokes to Share on the Golf Course
As you play golf, why not share a laugh or two? Here are some of the best golf jokes around:
How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Fore!
Why do golfers hate cake? Because they can’t stand slices.
What’s a golfer’s favorite letter? Tee!
Long-Drive Laughs: Extended Golf Jokes for Your Game
Every golfer has a story about that one particularly poor round. But, what makes it memorable is often the humor found in those mishaps:
I was taking a few practice swings when a voice came over the loudspeaker, “Would the gentleman on the woman’s tee back up to the men’s tee, please!” I was still deep in my routine, seemingly unfazed. Again, the announcement, “Would the MAN on the WOMEN’S tee kindly back up to the men’s tee!” I stopped, looked up, and then shouted back, “Would the announcer kindly stop shouting and let me play my second shot?”
Golf Jokes from the Pro Tour
Even the pros like to keep it light. Here’s one from a tour favorite:
“I knew I was an unlucky golfer when I threw my clubs into the lake and they floated.”
Golf Jokes for the Nineteenth Hole After a round of golf, there’s nothing better than relaxing at the golf club bar and sharing stories. Here’s one that always gets a good laugh:
“I’m not saying my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.”
Why Laughter Might Just Improve Your Game
It’s been said that golf is a game of inches and the most important are the six inches between your ears. A good laugh can relax those muscles, ease your mind, and maybe, just maybe, help you keep your head down and hit the ball just right.
Here’s a list of 52 golf jokes that can brighten up any golfer’s day
Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of trousers? In case they get a hole in one.
What’s a golfer’s favorite bird? Any birdie will do.
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course? He was perfecting his swing.
How is the golf course like a woman? Both are perfectly groomed and much more difficult than they look.
What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes whack, “Darn!” and a skydiver goes “Darn!” whack.
Why do golfers hate cake? They might get a slice.
What do you call a lion playing golf? Roaring success.
What’s a golfer’s favorite dance? The Swing.
How do you know a golfer is in heaven? He shouts “fore” ever.
What did the golfer do when he saw lightning? He completed his swing with a one iron because even God can’t hit a one iron.
Why are golfers like fish? They both get excited about hooks.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
What do you call a golfer who’s in jail? A club prisoner.
What’s the easiest shot in golf? Your fourth putt.
What’s a golfer’s favorite letter? Tee.
How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb? Fore!
What’s worse than a golfer who can putt? One who can’t.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
What’s a golfer’s ultimate dilemma? A straight uphill putt.
Why don’t golfers ever fall ill? Because they’re always in the green.
Why are golf balls similar to eggs? They’re white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.
What do you call a girl on the golf course? An approach.
What’s the problem with playing golf with a basketball player? They dribble before they shoot.
What’s a golfer’s favorite Shakespeare play? Tee-ming of the Shrew.
Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? Because that’s how long it took the Scotsman to finish his whiskey.
What do golf and sex have in common? They’re two things you can enjoy even if you’re bad at both.
What’s the key to a successful round of golf? Not letting your ball and clubs know you’re in a hurry.
What’s a golfer’s favorite unit of measurement? Yards.
What do you call a hotel room that overlooks a putting green? A suite spot.
What do you call a golfer who just broke up with his girlfriend? Single handicapped.
Why are golfers good at solving puzzles? They’re always piecing the course together.
What do you call a golfer who makes an eagle, a birdie, a par, and a bogey on the first four holes? Normal.
Why did the golfer get kicked out of class? He was caught teeing off.
What do you call a golfer who doesn’t lose his temper? A putter zen master.
What did the golfer say when he won the tournament? “I’m so excited, I can’t putter into words.”
Why did the golfer carry a screwdriver? He heard someone say he had a loose swing.
How do you describe a bad golfer? Someone who can take a divot out of the ball washer.
Why don’t some golfers ever win? They always lie about their score.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
Why was the golf club depressed? Because it always had to iron out the rough spots.
What do you call a young man who loses most of his golf balls? A clubber boy.
What did the golfer say to his girlfriend? “You’re my hole in one.”
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of socks? In case he got a hole in one.
What do you call a golfer who just won the championship? A tee-riffic player.
How do you spot a golfer at a party? Don’t worry, he’ll tell you.
Why did the golfer bring a ladder to the course? He heard the stakes were high.
What’s a golfer’s favorite workout? Fore-arms.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
Why did the golfer get kicked out of the grocery store? He was caught teeing off in the produce section.
What do you call a Scottish golfer with a bad sunburn? A gopher.
Why did the golfer carry an extra shirt? In case he got a hole in one.
What’s a golfer’s least favorite piece of furniture? The tee-ble.
Here’s a list of 35 golf-themed knock-knock jokes for you to enjoy
Knock knock. Who’s there? Albatross. Albatross who? Al-batross you out of here if you don’t stop counting my strokes!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Birdie. Birdie who? Birdie’s the word for one under par, now let’s go to the bar!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Eagle. Eagle who? I’d eagle-ly like to see you make that shot again!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Putt. Putt who? Putt your hands together for that amazing hole in one!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Tee. Tee who? Tee-time is delayed, so let’s get some tea instead!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Driver. Driver who? Drive-er straight down the fairway, please!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Bogey. Bogey who? Bogey down to the clubhouse, it’s time to celebrate!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Iron. Iron who? I ron so fast to see your shot!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Wedge. Wedge who? Wedge you like to know how to get out of this bunker?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Golf cart. Golf cart who? Golf cart-ainly is the best way to travel on the course!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Par. Par who? Par-don me, but you’re playing great today!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Fairway. Fairway who? Fairway to go, you hit the green!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Hook. Hook who? Hook your ball into the water one more time, I dare you!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Slice. Slice who? Slice to meet you, now let’s straighten out that drive.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Caddie. Caddie who? Caddie you pass me my club, please?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mulligan. Mulligan who? Mulligan another shot? You’ve got to be kidding!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Putter. Putter who? Putter good stroke on that ball, you might make it in!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Swing. Swing who? Swing by later, and we’ll play another round.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Golf shoe. Golf shoe who? Golf shoe better grip, or you’ll slip on the green.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Chip. Chip who? Chip it in for a birdie and the drinks are on me!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Green. Green who? Green you be any better at putting?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Fore. Fore who? Don’t ask “fore” who, the ball’s heading your way!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Divot. Divot who? Divot a problem with your swing?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Hole. Hole who? Hole on, I’ll find your ball in no time!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Golf bag. Golf bag who? Golf bag you’re carrying must be filled with magic clubs!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Stroke. Stroke who? Stroke of luck, that ball didn’t go in the water!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Scorecard. Scorecard who? Scorecard believe we’re tied going into the last hole!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Gimme. Gimme who? Gimme a break, that was almost a hole in one!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Bunker. Bunker who? Bunk-er you going to get out of the sand or not?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Flagstick. Flagstick who? Flag-stick your approach closer next time!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Sandtrap. Sandtrap who? Sandtrap-ped again? Use more loft!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Golf glove. Golf glove who? Golf glove to see you play so well today!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Rough. Rough who? Rough day on the course, but there’s always tomorrow!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Clubhouse. Clubhouse who? Clubhouse sandwich waiting for you after the 18th hole!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Handicap. Handicap who? Handi-cap this game off with a good putt, can we?
The Joy of Golf is No Joke
While we often speak of birdies and eagles with earnest passion, it’s the joy and the jokes we share that make the game truly special. Whether you’re having a terrible round or playing the best game of your life, a good chuckle can make all the difference.
Don’t forget to share this post with your golfing partner, and we’d love to hear your favorite jokes too. Who knows, they might just make it into our next funny golf puns compilation.
Now, go ahead and swing away – may your drives be long and your putts be few!
Why was the golfer a great musician? Because he had the perfect swing!
What do you call a golfer with an attitude? A “tee”-rant!
How do golfers stay cool on the course? They use their “fore”-head!
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
What did the golfer say after sinking a long putt? “That’s how I roll!”
What’s a golfer’s favorite type of music? Swing!
Why did the golfer bring an umbrella? In case of a “hole” in one!
What did the golfer do when he lost his ball in the woods? He played “tree”-mendous golf!
How do you make a golfer laugh on a Saturday? Tell him a “fairway” joke!
Why did the golfer bring an extra glove? In case he got a hole in “two”!
What’s a golfer’s favorite type of cheese? “Swiss”!
How do you know if a golfer is angry? He’s “tee”-d off!
What do golfers use to clean their clubs? “Fore”-tified soap!
Why don’t golfers ever get lost? Because they always follow the “course”!
What do you call a golfer who can juggle? A “birdie”-cian!
Why did the golfer bring a ladder to the course? He heard the stakes were “high”!
What do golfers do when they’re cold? They “putt” on a sweater!
Why do golfers always carry a pencil? In case they need to “draw” a line!
How do you make a golfer jump? Yell “four”!
What did the golfer say when he saw lightning? “I hope it doesn’t affect my “swing”!
How do golfers stay healthy? They eat their “greens”!
What do you call a golfer who can play the piano? A “par”-former!
Why did the golfer bring a ladder to the course? He heard the view was “hole”-some!
What do you call a golfer who can’t stop talking? A “par”-rot!
How do you make a golfer’s day? Compliment their “drive”!
What do golfers do when they’re tired? They take a “tee”-nap!
Why did the golfer bring a backpack to the course? He wanted to be “fore”-armed!
What’s a golfer’s favorite candy? “Hole”y Moly!
Why did the golfer bring a suitcase to the course? He heard it was a “bag”-gage-free zone!
What do you call a golfer who’s always prepared? “Fore”-sighted!
How do golfers stay positive? They have a “putt”-itive attitude!
Why did the golfer bring a map to the course? In case he got lost in the “rough”!
What’s a golfer’s favorite part of a joke? The “punchline”!
Why do golfers make terrible detectives? Because they always “slice” the evidence!
What do you call a golfer who can’t find their ball? “Lost” in the woods!
Why did the golfer bring a fan to the course? To keep “cool” during a hot round!
What’s a golfer’s favorite dessert? “Fairway” pie!
How do golfers celebrate a great shot? With a “hole” lot of excitement!
What do you call a golfer who’s always late? “Tee”-ardy!
Why did the golfer bring a shovel to the course? To dig himself out of the “bunker”!
What’s a golfer’s favorite type of bread? “Slice”d bread!
How do you make a golfer laugh on a Sunday? Tell them a “hole” story!
Why don’t golfers ever get sunburned? Because they always wear “tees”!
What’s a golfer’s favorite dance move? The “swing”!
Why did the golfer bring a ladder to the course? To get a “bird’s-eye” view of the fairway!
What do you call a golfer who can do magic tricks? A “par”-former!
How do golfers send mail? With a “tee”-stamp!
Why did the golfer bring a pillow to the course? In case he needed to “bunker” down for a nap!
What’s a golfer’s favorite fruit? “Fore”-bidden fruit!
Why did the golfer bring a telescope to the course? To get a closer look at the “flag”!
